31 March, 2011

The Daily Persiflage - The Price is Right for Alex Reid

In an inevitable culmination of months of pining, Alex Reid and Katie Price have (finally!) declared they are still in love. Meteorologists have been predicting the reunion of these star-crossed lovers for months now, and the nation has collectively exhaled a sigh of relief. Commemorative plates have been flying of shelves across the nation. Subsequently, these plates were recalled and paranormal experts were called in to investigate the cause of china moving of its own volition.

Shouts of “Prince William who?” and “Katie when?” and “What time is it?” could be heard echoing across London’s night sky as the fickle public fell in love with this adorable pair all over again. Agitated reporters camped for months outside Katie’s Hackney bedsit, desperately yearning for a glimpse of the handsome Alex Reid. Their camping and eventual cannibalism was all in vain however, as news unexpectedly broke on Twitter.

Katie Price, in a rare tweet, said “OMG! ME AND ALEX TOGETHER AGAIN (again)! btw just a coincidence that he has been topping popularity polls in Cambodia and Greenland ;)”. Alex Reid responded by posting a heavily photoshopped picture of his genitals, which was quickly followed by a post saying “ROFL! Can’t believe I just accidently posted this online!!! :D :D #thesun #thedailymirror #newsoftheworld #horsesandhounds #Bratzmagazine”. Both posts remained up for several hours.

When pressed, Harvey Price interrupted his game of ping-pong with Gary Glitter to give the following statement: “My, what a fortuitous eve to hear such wondrous news! Bountiful gifts of knowledge such as these were most unbeknownst to me. If I were to dance a merry jig ‘pon heaven itself, ‘twould aptly sum up my heart’s glory”. Junior and Princess are currently on bail and as such are unavailable to comment.